Thursday, November 17, 2005

Parents' Day!

'How Long Must I Walk?'
By R.Rajesh

u gave me ur finger to hold
and taught me to walk
step by faltering step
u picked me up when i fell
told me men dont cry
and i smiled with u thru the pain
walking, stumbling, going on
because i had a fire in the belly
and a finger to hold when things got tough
you taught me to stand tall
to walk the straight path and not ever look back
i was a fast learner all right
i walked and walked a long way since
p'haps thats why i've reached where i am
too far to give u my finger
when u now need to walk:-(

Saturday, November 12, 2005

10 random thoughts

Was just lazing around wondering about the things we take for granted...no...not the deep philosophical thing about relationships, the comity of religions and stuff, but the more basic, inane, everyday stuff that we dont bother to question coz the answers are relatively unimportant to us. You must have asked these questions urselves, or mebbe they were there in the back of ur minds, unarticulated and unknown even to ur conscious mind. Whatever....
I just thought I should share them with you. I'm not looking for answers, but if have explanations, ur welcome.

Just read on and wonder with me:

1. If things that are perpendicular are called 'flat' why are vertical high rise buildings called 'flats'?

2. If 'lift' means to pull something/hoist something up, why do we say "I'm taking the lift to go down"? (For those who didnt get it, elevators are called lifts in India)

3. If, according to science, hot air goes up, why does it get colder the higher we go?

4. Why do people say 'bring me the cheque' to the waiter in a restaurant when they're actually asking for the bill? How come the same people don't ask for a cheque when they buy groceries? Shouldnt the waiter respond to "where's the cheque waiter?" by answering, "I'm waiting for you to write it sir, and please remember to mark it as a/c payee"?

5. Why do people in a restaurant order 'appetisers' only when they're really hungry? They claim only if they're hungry can they eat both the appetiser and the main course, otherwise ditch the appetiser? Isn't an appetiser meant to whet the appetite?

6. Why is it that in marriage, you 'break' the engagement, but when its a business engagement, you always 'cancel' it. On second thoughts, why cant you just say, "Anita and I are now dis-engaged"?

7. Why are actresses nowadays called 'actors'? Is it a politically correct tribute to the libbers, or are the women just less feminine nowadays?

8. Why is it that so many corporates have designations like 'General Manager (Marketing)
GM (Sales), GM (Finance), GM (Systems) etc...when a 'General' Manager is historically
supposed to be a generalist and not a specialist? Case in point: the world of medicine
where you have General Practitioners and Specialists/Superspecialists.

9. Staying in the world of Corporatedom, what is the logic in having a designation like AVP (Asst.Vice President) when a Vice President is already an Assistant President? In
the future are we going to see Sr. Deputy Asst Vice Presidents, Jr. Deputy Asst Vice
Presidents, Trainee Deputy Asst. Vice Presidents and so on?

10. Why don't hospitals name their Head Surgeon as Chief 'Operating' Officer?

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Is Altruism Selfish?

So I’m selfish. So big deal. I could still be a nice bloke couldn’t I? Or does being selfish make me an undesirable, a pariah in the social club of humanity? In fact, isn’t being selfish just another form of self actualisation? Isnt it true to the credo that goodness, like charity, begins at home? That if we don’t look after ourselves, we can’t look after others?
Is there really an animal called the altruist, or is that just a word created by us to put a positive spin on selfishness? Are the altruistic merely selfish for the common good? When do I stop being selfish and start being altruistic? Are the words antonyms as they are made out to be, or are they just at either end of the social ladder of evolution? Are altruists selfless? Don’t the selfless get a selfish satisfaction in being who they are? Is selfless service an oxymoron?
After all, why do we do a good deed? Isn't our ROI that warm glow that comes of doing good? If we don’t feel good about doing good unto others, would we still do it? Isn’t that again a selfish motive, albeit subliminal? Perhaps its time to redefine selfishness. After all, a Brian Lara can't score runs for the team if he doesn't score them for himself. Perhaps, like cholesterol, we need to classify it into 'good ' and 'bad’ selfishness with the type being decided by the motives behind the thought and the effects of the action. Altruism v/s selfishness reminds me of the debate on subjectivity v/s objectivity. I believe that there is no ‘pure objectivity’ and that the moment I have an opinion, either by thought or word, I am , in effect, passing judgement, and whilst it may be correct, it is 'subjective' because its MY opinion. Similarly, there is no ‘pure altruism’, only varying degrees of selfishness, and the sooner we reinstate this much maligned emotion, the better it will be. And the sooner we knock ‘selflessness’ off its pedestal the better it will be too, for one way of looking at selflessness is as dereliction of duty towards yourself. I know the pundits and ecclesiasts will object strenuously, but doesn’t ‘self realisation’ (which all religions claim is the ultimate form of being) have to do with a celebration of the self? Doesn’t the discovery of the ‘self’ begin with an exploration of the self and the gratification thereof? And doesn’t it all come back to selfishness?

Ok Ok…just one of those days…but please do think about what I’ve said before throwing those rotten eggs at me. Peace be unto u. And may you achieve a state of exalted selfishness)

Thursday, October 06, 2005

From Bad to Verse- Poems on Sportsmen

Ok pipal...here's a list of poems, most of which have appeared on Sportz Unlimited at some time or other, on various sportsmen and the games people play:-) . Here goes:

On Ravi Sha'stree'

He doesnt bend for no one
not even a passing ball
He can turn any ball to fine leg
but prefers the legs on a doll!
He can stick at the crease for hours
without scoring a single run
But he sure does gallop like a stallion
when its time for midnight fun!

Now onwards to another, this time a poem i wish i had never needed to write.
about a man who gave me so much joy..and then so much pain:-(


'Why Azza Why?'

He made three tons on the trot
and made the world sit up.
In no time at all this humble lad
with fame and fortune did sup.
All the rich food and company
went not to his slim waist.
'Tis said the fat went to his head
coz of glamor he'd now had taste.
He left his wife for an actress
and disowned his middle class roots.
He claimed he was still the same old boy
but had he grown too big for his boots?
This favoured son of Lady Luck
then became Captain by default.
He played upon home advantage
and the wins no one could halt.
He had now scaled the very top
and had all the money and fame.
But the whispers had just started
that he was playing a double game.

He flaunted Armani and Rolex
while his form began to wane.
His decisions made people wonder
if he was on the take or just insane.
The team began to slide downhill
losing matches they should have won.
The rumours flew fast and furious
about Hyderabad's prodigal son.
They said his love of the fast life
had led him far astray.
This party animal was not the man
who used to daily five times pray.
They whispered of dons and bookies
of deals done and matches thrown.
And by the time Hansiegate had hit
his infamy had manifold grown.
He was judged by a media trial
and convicted without appeal.
His every plea of innocence
fell on hearts that no longer did feel.
Nobody knew his guilt for sure
but they were ready to believe.
For they'd trusted him entirely
and he'd just flattered to deceive.
And so the sad story ended
midway through the plot.
The hero was now villain
the vilest of the lot.
I'm not sure of his guilt
I'm not sure of his innocence
I'm not sure of anything anymore
For i've lost my rose tinted lens:-(

On Inzamam
He's the gentlest giant of them all
he's mister take-it-easy Inzy.
But dare u liken him to a potato
and he'll charge you in a frenzy.

'Ode to Federer'
I didnt know when they put in strings
on a magic wand
Till I saw a magician waving one
in his right hand
From impossible angles he conjured up
divine passing shots
Defeated opponents before they'd gathered
their initial thoughts
He possessed no wicked booming serve
nor killer volley
But they found hustling him at the net
was just pure folly
Some hopefuls tried to wear him out
staying right back
Too late they discovered 'twas like torture
on a medieval rack
The biggest of build and the fleetest of foot
were all doomed to fail
Nobody was found who could stand up and fight
and live to tell the tale
So the players pleaded with the ATP bosses
to just slap a ban
Coz a wizard oughtn't to be allowed to play
with a normal man.

the great wall
(Ode to Rahul 'The Wall' Dravid)

he's always bin the bridesmaid
but never bin the bride
he's never bin the highest paid
but he sure is India's pride
he'll never run when the heat is on
and is always on the ball
he'll still be there when all are gone
coz he's the great indian wall

And, as a sequel, coz it was felt calling Dravid 'The Wall' was limiting:

they sometimes call him Jammy
they sometimes call him The Wall
but I think that's just barmy
coz now he's the entire Hall.


Ashes 2 Ashes
(my take on the tremendous Ashes series '05, and the Aussie spirit)

they won everything under the sun
and conquered the farthest frontiers
but the inexorable march of time
had greatly weakened these warriors

weary of mind and battered in body
they threw themselves into the fight
made their last stand on the anglian field
never gave up till there still was light

when the fifth and final battle was done
and the ashes won back with the urn
the victors knew the war wasn't won
for the warriors of oz would one day return.

On Krish Srikkanth, a man i'd much rather remember for his exploits with the bat,
than for his new avatar as TV expert:-(

A twitch, a twirl, a sniff, and a stroll
All before the bowler came to bowl
He was a bundle of unbridled energy
hand and eye in perfect synergy

He had no footwork, nor feline grace
But had his heart in the right place
With twinkling eye and willow mace
He tonked the spin and cut the pace

In his last years he cut a sorry sight
His eye deserted him, nothing went right
He still strode to do battle twitching his nose
But his own eye and hand were his worst foes

He decided he'd had enough, went out in a huff
Sadly not in a blaze of glory, merely a lil puff
But for those of us who had seen him in full flow
He was always the entertainer who didn't ever go slow.

'Postscript'
Years have passed and his hair's streaked with grey
The bat's been retired, but the tongue now does stray
He talks like he played, regardless of the rules
Time he retired, before he's crowned the King of Fools.


On Saniahhhhhhhh Mirza

She's the new face of Indian tennis
the champion of which there was dearth.
She's got more guts than her racquet
and groundstrokes that scorch the earth.

Her forehand is a killer
though its not yet bin arrested.
The better players will make her pay
and tis bound to be sorely tested.

Her service is like that at the Ritz
inoffensive and very polite.
The 2nd serve makes the 1st look good
and is every opponent's delight.

She looks every inch the sportstar
though she needs to shed the pounds.
Her tee shirts vie with her ear rings
for the attention of the newshounds.

Her rankings have bin shooting up
in competition with her hemline
'Fatwa' scream some enraged clerics
tis time she was taught to fall in line.

But as Kuznetsova can tell the mullahs
this lovely lass doesnt easily scare.
She knows the meek may inherit the earth
but the court is ruled by those who dare.

Cricket Limericks

Hi All
This is just an odd collection of limericks i'd written about cricket and cricketers, and posted at various fora. Will keep adding to them as and when i'm in de mood:-) Till then bear with me. Those who dont wish to suffer in silence may kindly post their comments here:-)

Abhijit Kale:
he scored runs by the tons, yet was dejected
coz his application to the team was rejected
so he offered a bribe
to the selector tribe
and for his troubles, was promptly ejected!

Mohinder Amarnath:
He was the finest player of the hook
He could play every shot in the book
The selectors didnt play ball
So he called them jokers all
And so they kept him out by hook or crook!

David Gower:
He made love on the field of play
In a most impossibly languid way
with sweet timing and grace
bat met ball in embrace
And left agile fielders with feet of clay

Sir Garry Sobers:
Fast bowler, slow bowler, fielder, brilliant batsman
hit a ton b4 lunch, then bowled em with his chinaman
Descended from heaven,
He was a one man 'eleven'
Who lit up every stadium, and the heart of every cricket fan

B S Bedi :
He floated like a butterfly, stung like a bee
He fooled em with a floater no batsman could see
Took wickets with a smile
coached and commented awhile
He's now bowling wrong 'uns for the media 'spin' factory

Sunny Gavaskar :
He was the original little master
And is now a popular broadcaster
he was the best
at the 5 day Test
But in the ODIs just couldnt bat faster.


Vinod Kambli :
While Sachin took the elevator, he climbed the hard stairs
Wasnt long before they were scoring Test 100s in pairs
But life in the fast lane
Proved to be his bane
He suffered from a swollen head, and was sent off for repairs.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Its raining Cats and Dogs on Fashion Street!!

Hi all......i've just bin reading about the ridiculous extent pet owners in America go to make their pets feel good. From pet shrinks to pet boutiques, these animals seem to be having it better than most of us. Anywayz, methinks it wont be a bad idea to start a hi fashion boutique for pets. Here're some ideas on what we could call the place(CatWalk is tooo obvious, so no go) and some taglines. Enjoyyy:


'Bitch' - For the Woman in You :-)))

'Bow'tique - where every bitch has her day!

'Haute Dog'- make ur man's tail wag non-stop

'Pret-a-Pooch' - hi fashion for the well bred

'K9 Korner' - fashion is just around the corner

'Kennelworth' - for the manor born

'chihuahua'- hua tho hua, par aisa kabhi nahi hua !

'Blue Collar' - affordable fashion for the proletariat

'102 Dalmations'- 'spot' the difference!

'Wooferati'- for the smart set

'Dogma' - Keep the Faith!

'The Feline Line' - everything else is Canine!

'CATZ' - u've got 9 lives. so live it up babe!

'Yankee Poodle Dandy'- for poodles who know their noodles

'The 'Re'tail' Shoppe'- For Dobermann Pinschers who've been 'de'tailed:-)))

'Hissss and Hers' - customised skins for ur pet pythons

'The Darwin Boutique'- make ur pet chimp go bananas!

' Cock'n'Bull ' - From Colorful Crowns for Roosters to Jackets for ur Bull we've got it all!!!

' Ox-Ford ' - for fashion conscious bulls

'Siamese Tease' - Authentic Thai Fashion for Siamese Cats

' We Framed Roger Rabbit ' - Wooden Frames. Aluminium Frames. Cast Iron Frames. We got em all. Plain Vanilla Frames for the sober and Dotted/Ribbed ones for the adventurous. Free Shipping. Order Now.

Ok guys....i'm runin outa steam for now. Will be back with more names. So those of u who're as jobless as me may kindly append their ideas here so i can blatantly copy em.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

better than the better half??

Sigh! Don't ppl here go easy on a bloke writing his first ever blog?
The nicer ones posted their comments on the site, the rest sent their stinkeroos on mail, asking how I could equate wives with socks, and didn't I understand socks had feelings too? :-)
So i burnt sum more grey cell calories and came up with a few reasons why a pair of socks are actually preferrable to a wife.
Sigh! I know i'm inviting another sock on my jaw from my bitter half, but never let it be said that rajesh ever shrank from expressing his views. BTW, u guys wont er.. uh..mmm...i mean...tell my wife abt this blog will u?
Holds his breath, squares his shoulders and announces why a wife aint as cool as a pair of old socks:
1)When u throw em out, u don't hafta pay em alimony
2)u can live with a pair and not risk gettin arrested for bigamy.
3)They are content to live quietly underfoot(refer 2 previous blog 4 the misogynist's view)
4)u can leave em at home when u hit the beach
5)your neighbour doesn't drop in to discuss the cricket, and check em outa the corner of his eye.
6)they rarely have a bad hair day (unless ur legs are abnormally hirsute)
7)they don't go all moody on u for 5 days in a month.period.
8)they rarely curl up in front of the telly watchng the 44th re-run of 'F.R.I.E.N.D.S'
9)Like my friend Ram said in his comment on the last blog, "they come in pairs". Now u guys'll have to figger out if that was a freudian slip or what??? He also said " u can switch em from right to left and vice versa". methinks sum1 will hafta inform his missus.
10)i'll leave the last one open 4 u guys to fill. the guy with the worst line gets to keep his wife:-)

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

If u dont like ur sox...divorce her :-)

The Duhsville Chronicle



Oye ppl! This is my pehla blog here. Am forced 2 expend sum calories and actually write this coz i met sumone in the dark alleys of blogdom who i share a common friend with. I was talking abt pooling in to buy the aforesaid friend(henceforth referred to as Anantha) a badly needed pair of socks, when the blogger(a.k.a. Avinash) said he'd rather buy anantha a wife. I dunno if he knows sumthing about anantha that i don't and whether he's hinting at a rather quirky strain of foot fetishdom in anantha's amatory portfolio.
Anyway, that got moi thinking about some rather real similarities between wives and socks. I managed 10 similarities, but all u maried losers out there are invited 2 swell the tally.
Here goes:1)they're both 'solemates'
2)u kinda grow used to em over a period of time
3)good ones are accommodating and stretch to suit ur needs
4)u'd love to change em more often, but its 2 much of a bother.
5)u like em even when they're smelly and worn out
6)both try 2 step into ur shoes and not always successfully
7)u repay their loyalty by sticking by them even when they've lost that youthful elasticity and start sagging.
8)there never ever seems to be an 'exchange offer' for either in all those year end sales:(
9)their natural order is at the foot of man(now this is bound to rile up those femnists:P)
10)one size fits all